Last night i used the line “you have my number, use it”, yes extremely cheesy, but my life is just a string of one liners, at least thats what i try and make it.
Its funny the needs we have, the desires we carry, am i just a bundle of instincts so tightly packed together that i give an impression of an individual, the impression of consciousness. I worry about the fact that i have no feelings for any of the girls I’m with, its almost as if I’m just looking for anywhere to…umm…how can i say this politely, anywhere to put it?
Last night was a Canadian girl, which is pretty nice as we don’t get many Canadians in reading (a small town in the uk) so it was a nice change.
Does it make me a bad person that i act purely on instinct, that no matter how much i get its never enough, and for some reason it cant be the same person, i feel like all i am is a machine thats programmed to go around spreading its programming to as many people it can, the funny thing is i don’t have any kids, either I’m lucky or just cant reproduce (which to be honest I’m starting to believe the latter).
I hear about some guys who complain that they cant get any women, well actually they don’t out and out say it but i can see them struggle, i don’t really get that, i just be myself and have fun when i go out and somehow end up taking some girl home, their home of course not mine. I think maybe some guys just try too hard, if they took a vow of celibacy i guarantee they would be up to their noses in it, desperation has a funny reek and women seem to be able to pick it up a mile away.
Each girl is different, the things they like, the stuff they do, or are willing to do, some like to feel they are making love and some like to be punished and treated mean, but more than the physical i find its the emotional comfort that i give them that they crave most, I’m an honest person with my goodness and badness and i guess they feel they can trust that.
Many times it starts as just a physical relationship, they also claim that they want nothing more but after a few times of sleeping together and everything changes, they start to want more, start treating you like their boyfriend, i even had one girl tell me right before penetration that she wouldn’t let me unless i agreed to move in with her, it had literally been two weeks since we first got together, i pulled up my pants and said “fine ill see you later”, of course she grabbed me and said “no please i was just joking” she wasn’t! But the thought of not getting any freaked her out.
Women’s best kept secret: they want sex more than men do
Don’t get me wrong I’m not a player and have never tried to be, this is not a brag but more of a confessional, id like to have feelings to have a family and kids, to have a normal life where i can just be with one person, but everything in me goes against it, the longest relationship i had was seven months and i was cheating on her about two months in, i cant seem to help myself, i want to stop but i don’t want to stop, living in a constant battle between my mind and my bodily instinct!
P.s. Ive tried to keep this as clean as possible but if for any reason anyones offended i apologise and it wasn’t my intention